Stop interpreting every action

There is a saying in Hindi (Mein tumhari nas nas jaanti hoin -I can read your veins) that means that I know exactly how to interpret each and every action of yours.

I think most of us know how to interpret people around us in day to day situations, but still feel frustrated and uncomfortable when an in-law does that thing again to tick your nerve, or a colleague again continues to push their agenda, or that executive again provides those strong opinions that you hate. The question that worries us is why they keep doing this? Oh my god! Can’t believe they did it again.

I also have wasted a lot of my time and energy thinking about this question. What I realized while working with Jill Bromund (www.becoachable.com/) was that I was asking the wrong question. The right question all along should have been why it troubles me so much when someone reacts certain way I do not like.  I truly believe that most of the people are good and do have good intentions. Conflict only occurs when their interest clash with someone else’s. In our daily lives that is not the case. However, we spend a lot of our life thinking about such small things that slowly try to change our opinions about people and most of the times make us react not so nicely.

Here are some key principles that I learned during my coaching sessions that I thought are very applicable to preserve sanity of our lives.

1. People will not always have reactions you expect them to have, so do not try to find logic in every conversation.

2. Reactions from different people are on different response scales and learn to best work with it.

3. You can’t make them change to fit your needs; change your response level to adjust to people around you.

4. If you do not think you can adjust well with the group, try to find a group that matches your response level.  

In the end our work/organization/group is all about the people it is made off. So find the bunch you enjoy being with and there is no room for interpretation.